Jolly Roger

Men, painting and idiocy

2008-11-10T18:58:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I don't NEED a third child - as OddJobb is doing his standard 'man regressing' routine, and now I follow HIM around, cleaning up after him.

Case in point - we've lived in this house over 4 years now. When we bought it, we really liked the faux-finish done in the master bath and bedroom (apparently, it is 'rag off' technique, which always makes me think 'flame on' a la the Fantastic Four).

Anyhooo... this faux finish is a light yellowy-beige overlaid with an olive drab. Very nice, very neutral. It's even ON the ceiling (tray ceiling) - in other words, you WAKE UP looking at it.

But recently, thanks to moisture and windows and such, we need a touch up. In SEVERAL places. (Once upon a time, OddJob attempted such a 'patch job' by, ummm, SPONGING technique over the non-sponged wall. Not a good look.)

ANYHOOO... so we're all sick, the kids are hacking up lungs and bouncing off of walls thanks to the ~~baby crack~~ liquid albuterol, my mother is calling with her standard 'black hole of need, sucking the life out of me' phone calls... and OddJob is in the basement, trying to find the paint to match the master bath and bedroom. Because none of it is, like, LABELED or anything.

And all of a sudden, I hear his voice just SCREAMING for towels.

APPARENTLY - he found the matching paint. The stuff I remember as olive drab. He decided that, being all TIM TAYLOR, best course of action was to screw... SOMETHING.. on to his cordless drill, stick said something into the can of paint.... and ~~completely cover the workroom in the basement~~ MIX the paint.

Only what I vividly recall as olive drab (for the last FOUR YEARS) somehow, OddJob remembers as ... PINK.

Yes, I head down with towels to find OddJob AND the basement doused in pink paint.

Four years, same ceiling, not a drop of pink ANYWHERE, but in fact the OPPOSITE color on the spectrum. NO, he's not color blind.

Or, apparently, SMART.

I'm evil

2008-11-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

I just sent my potty-training 2 year old down to the basement with instructions to tell her father "I poopy!! Need go potty!"

And it WORKED. He's actually coming up here to DEAL with it.

Baaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa.

This never happens.

Great weather we're having....

2008-11-09T07:58:00.001-08:00

Wish you were here.

OK, not really.

Cold, wet, gray, and everyone has a sniffle. Ahh, winter, she be a-comin'! Yay! Not!

This is the time of year when souther job offers get VERY SERIOUS consideration in this household. Where Texas and Florida - they aren't looking too bad.

And we're finally BACK!

2008-11-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

Geez Louise. Sick kids. Sick me. Sick computer (which was by FAR the worst).

But NOW - all healthy! Well, over-sugared thanks to a wonderful Halloween (and enough warm weather to T-or-T WITHOUT coats, which is a big big deal up here).

And my computer is back from the Geek Squad for only ~~a hundred zillion~~ many hundreds of dollars. But it's HEALTHY. And moving faster than the speed of smell, whee!!

Now if I can just load pics, I could post away like a mad thing, since the weather is gray and damp-ish and cold (ie: perfect for a night in with the fam)!

GOOD to be back!! Wheeee!

Checklist and countdown....

2008-10-02T18:02:00.000-07:00

Popcorn? - popped
Wine? - poured
TV? - on
Children? - currently melting down as OddJob pulls them out of the tub and puts them down for the night.

We are READY!! For a night of flipping between the VP debate (cue the 'Flounder from Animal House' - "this is gonna be GREAT!!!") and the Cubs game!!

Voting - will be assigned to the team that steps on their collective dicks THE LEAST in the next 5 weeks....

Or the team that makes it to the World series!! Go Cubbies!

Big bad deep sigh.................

2008-09-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

A very, very dear friend of mine just moved. This morning. Almost 12 hours ago.

To a land far, far away, known as 'Deepinahearta', aka TEXAS. Yes, I lost ANOTHER friend to a land that has a season known as 'crispy'. Which they seem to think is preferable to the Chicago season called "Freaking bitter cold and windy GRAY".

So I am bummed. Really bummed. Need cigars and whiskey and poker kinda bummed. I've been bummed for a good 2 weeks leading up to this (hence the absence) but today took the cake.

So now that OddJob is home, the necessary tequila consumption (it's MEDICINAL!) shall commence.

And when I come out of my dark poker-needing funk, I'll write more. From OUTSIDE this black hole. Of missing Wendy.

Booooooooooooooooooo!!

Water is wet and icky..............

2008-09-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

At lunch today, a friend of mine turned to me and asked "So when is Ike predicted to get to Chicago?"

Ummm..... that would be YESTERDAY, babe.

That sound you hear is my husband sucking water out of the carpet around the basement sump pump. Something about the thingy attached to the thingy and an 1/8" hole and a vapor lock... that resulted in a completely soaked 6-foot-diameter-circle section of basement carpet.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous.

We got off easy though - several people I know (such as
baglady Jill) were in much worse shape, and have huge rolls of sopping carpet sitting next to their mailboxes. Or got to try out their new canoes from their front doors. Or went to Menards for an hour, and came outside to find their minivan floating (saw that one live and in person!).

So all in all it was gray, cloudy and damp this weekend (I think we had about 9" of rain in our town overall).

So in order to keep the kids entertained... we took them to our gym and went... SWIMMING!!

no time, gotta run....

2008-09-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

Sick Children. Bad weather. Cook county under tornado watch. Boss leaving on vacation - him in panic mode, therefore Jolly in panic mode. Husband working late.
You get the idea.

Once life returns to normal-ish, will be back!

Rude people

2008-09-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

(cue the 'way back when' music)....

Several years ago, OddJob and I ran into a couple that we know from a time known as "when OddJob was athletic". The man (Person M) was on a team with OddJob, and they got on fairly well, and M eventually married the woman (person W) that he had been dating.

And whattaya know, they had moved out of the city and were living not far from us in suburbia!

I remember meeting M, no recollection of W (other than she was blonde) but we had children of comparable ages, and OddJob hadn't really formed any friendships since the demise of his role on said sports team. So they invited us to their sons birthday, we invited them to a BBQ, I was bending over backwards to try to be nice to W (didn't really have much in common - she still seemed very off-hand about me, which I found kinda weird) but M was very nice. They (looking back, or at least M) appeared interested in friendship.

One evening, had them over for dinner, with both of their children. It went very well. They were all eager to have us over - and named Date X about 3 weeks out.

About 1 week before Date X, I called (as I hadn't heard from them) to firm things up. M answered, seemed rushed, seemed not to remember any plans for Date X, said he'd check and call me back.

Never heard from them again. Kinda let THAT one go, but was very puzzled.

.............2 years later............

We spent this morning at #1A's first soccer game.

OddJob is coaching, which isn't going swimmingly with #1A. But so far ALL the parents have been not just polite, but making a real effort to be involved and nice. And this is NOT easy for several of the Moms, as 1 is still at the 'rudimentary English' level, several others are obviously recent immigrants (you can tell, because their sons KICK ASS at soccer). We're all still learning everyone's names, being somewhat cautious with each other (aware that we're all new to each other and there might be some cultural differences, and why step in it if you don't have to?).

But so far, so good, and there is a lot of group cheering for all the boys from all the parents, and none of that obnoxious "Go get HIM! Take that ball away from HIM!" highly-competitve nonsense from the sidelines. Because these kids are SIX.

As I'm wrangling #1B, snacks and water for the players, and other Moms, a man walks up to me and says "Hi JollyRoger".

I look up, and this person seems... mildly familiar? I'm thinking furiously, and finally say "Gee, sorry, you look familiar??" .....??

And he's all "Hahahaha, it's M".

As if it's perfectly acceptable to completely pretend that you don't have the grace to look mildly embarassed that you were a rude putz to me and OddJob and haven't spoken to either of us in years. (insert eyeroll here).

Me (very much taken aback and not really sure how to handle this one) - "Oh. Hi".

Then W materializes from behind M, and screeches in a pack-a-day-Marlboro voice that makes me wince "Oh, is that #1B?? I haven't seen her since she was a BABY. Wow, she's a MONSTER now!!!!".

To which I'm thinking "Wow, as if I needed MORE of a reason to completely avoid either of you in the future. Nice opening line there W."

Apparently M & W's son is playing on the opposing team. How do I know this? Because not long after this interchange, I hear a pack-a-day-Marlboro habit voice just SCREECHING "Go After him!! Take the ball away from him!!" from the OTHER teams sidelines.

And the meekest, mildest Mom on our team, the 'butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth' Mom says to me in thickly accented English:

"Geeeza, whose da beetch??"

And I couldn't help thinking - Thank you, higher power, for sending me the sign that it's NOT JUST ME!!

Thoughts on Running

2008-09-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

I have been running.

Which is really kinda huge, for me. I wasn't brought up to participate in team sports (frowned upon by the 'rents) and neither of my parents did ANYTHING more athletic than the occaisional bike ride.

And I'm short. Almost 5' 2", with the build of... not a runner.

But I've worked at it, and several of my Momtourage out of my local Moms group made a pact - run the Chicago 'Shamrock Shuffle' in 2008 as a group, or die of shame and endless riducule forever after.

So I trained. All winter. I even got OddJob to train WITH me. And this was a big deal, as OddJob was AN ATHLETE from the word GO. Swim team, HS wrestling and football, and rugby. Heck, when I met him he was playing rugby on the National level for the U.S. Combined Services Team, the All Army Team, ETCETERA....

And I ran the Shuffle. I was the oldest Mom in the group to do it (and damn near the shortest... actually, I think I WAS the shortest) and I posted the second fastest time of the crowd. Woo to the HOO for me! (AND - I was 36 hours back from a vacation in Mexico, with a respiratory infection, and (sorry, TMI ahead) right smack dab in the middle of a raging period).

And I'm pretty sure I hadn't run a step SINCE, until about a month ago.

But the 'Shuffle pact' crowd resurrected to torture ourselves into doing a 5k last Sunday. Ouch. Minimal training, 90 degrees, high humidity... what's not to like? (gasp, retch, ack)

Somehow, this has shamed OddJob into maybe, FINALLY, getting back into shape again. Because he stopped playing rugby (yes, I ACTUALLY put a gun to his head) about the time #1A arrived. And has basically fallen into major disrepair since. The weight-gain, still-eating-like-an-athlete, recently diagnosed with freaking GOUT kind.

And he's made REAL promises to get up in the morning to go running (I DO NOT RUN in the AM. AT all. Ever.)

To the point where we had an ACTUAL conversation along the lines of:

OddJob: I really, SERIOUSLY considered going running this morning.
Me: (swilling wine) Erp?
OddJob: When my alarm went off this morning, I put REAL EFFORT into considering it.
Me: (attempting to wrestle clothing off of #1B for bath) uhhhh...hmmmm??
OddJob: Seriously - I actually TRIED to get out of bed.
Me: GET OFF THE BED!!! UNBUTTON YOUR PANTS BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM OFF!!!!!
OddJob: I think it's progress.. really, I'll be SO much closer to getting out of bed TOMRRORW and actually GO running...

Go OddJob!

First day of school! Just like Nemo!

2008-09-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's happened at last - #1A has begun Kindergarden.

And I think I we did very well today! Took him to before-school care (Kindercare), watched him get on the bus to 'real' school, followed the bus ~~like some rabid stalker~~ , met him on the playground, watched him parade in to 'real' school....

and not even a backwards glance from our tough little #1A.

UNTIL I called Kindercare about 1/2 hour after 'real' school let out. And got the scoop from the center director.

APPARENTLY, #1A got out of school, looked around, realized we WEREN'T there (and the schoolbus to Kindercare was), and burst into tears.

Because he missed us? No.
Because he didn't like school? No.
Because he DID like school and didn't want to leave? No.

Because.... he had given his Luke Skywalker bobble-head toy to Dad for safekeeping (rule #1 - NO TOYS at 'real' school rule #2 - NO GOING COMMANDO at 'real' school). It's been tough enough keeping underwear on this kid.

And he wanted his bobblehead BACK, and Daddy WASN'T THERE to return it. Thus much boo-hooing.

Going to be an interesting year....

Long weekend and ridiculous politics...

2008-09-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely weekend of BBQ's, parades with the kids, a Cubs game (they lost, Boooo!) and I even ran a 5k!

.. and watching hurricane Gustav and the whole Palin debacle.

I'm going to choose to remember the fun part. But I must admit, the whole Republican almost-Veep-nominee and 'babygate' kinda stole the show today.

OddJob and I knew NO ONE sitting around us at the Cubs-Astros game today, yet 'babygate' was THE TOPIC of conversation amongst complete strangers (OK, the game was a snoozer until the Cubs ALMOST pulled the ninth inning out of the hole... but didn't. Sigh.)

Guess I'm just not a fun of electing and campaigning. Will this be over with soon?

It was a good weekend to try and avoid the computer.. and phone... and camera... since everything technological seemed to be going haywire Thursday and Friday... and ONCE AGAIN, I called it...... but to explain.....

When things in life went horribly awry, my mother would wander around muttering about 'mercury... retrograde' and go hide under the covers (or something). To the point that I STILL say this. Heck, I said it online on my Moms group message board this past spring... only to find out it WAS in retrograde. Since then, whenever technology goes afoul, significantly in a short span of time.. well, I seem to have a mercury-in-retrograde-o-meter going on.

Betcha that's how Sarah Palin is feeling right about now.....

"Swanky!" which now translates as.....

2008-08-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

Gay.

Who knew?

My best friend Marcia (she of the east-coast, near-Philly, why-haven't-we-transferred-out-there? variety) had a gift certificate to her choice of a list of restaurants. And a BABYSITTER.

So being fearless (and time-constrained) she briefly scanned her choices, and settled on a little bar-restaurant billed as

"Swanky, stylish restaurant & bar scene. Brunch & dinner served"

Really, how far off the mark could this married, middle-aged, parents of 2 actually BE?

.......... ummmmmmm.......... judging by the baskets of 'Trojans' helpfully provided outside of each of the 4 co-ed bathrooms..... pretty damn far off the mark.

And hey, I always thought her husband was kinda hot, apparently I'm not alone.

Well, OK, I'm alone for MY people!

Well anyway, other than the cranking-loud grinding gay bar, they had a lovely time in the tiny but elegant courtyard dining area, and a very lovely meal. And Marcia's husband was CHECKED OUT, a fact he little appreciated.

Marcia says she'd go back for the food... probably WITHOUT her significant other. Too bad I'm all the way out HERE in the midwest.

Because stuff like this almost NEVER happens to us! (well, except for that time I got hit on by a TRULY gorgeous blonde woman IN the ladies locker room of the Chicago Yacht Club, Belmont station.....still shaking my head over that one...

Because face it, I'm kinda ~~hot~~ hot-ish. Or well preserved.

OK, I'm not Marcia's HUSBAND or anything.........

I hate Home %(@#&!_#?! Depot

2008-08-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God.

And to think I used to own stock in that place!!!!

Anyone else just LOATHE the self-checkout? I had to run out for stuff, with the kids, and I go there so rarely I forgot what a HUGE PITA it is.

#1 - NO employees are actually around to ask 'where is X'?
#2 - If you DO find someone, they will tell you they don't know where X is anyway, then just WALK AWAY.
#3 - the self checkout (shudder).

Ahh, the self checkout. It never works BY ITSELF (which is the WHOLE POINT, isn't it??). They have a permanent staff of the annoying "help at self-checkout" employee there to help with the 4 self-checkouts that never let you just SELF-CHECKOUT. That outta tell you something.

Apparently, it won't work because my son was just barely leaning against it. When annoying "help at self-checkout" employee arrives, this is what she tells me. So I move #1A.

#1A is pissed off.
#1B takes his place, and won't move. I have to damn near YANK her out of between the checkout and the cart....

...and she starts to MELT DOWN and SHRIEK.

AND I LET HER. Because these HD ~~assholes~~ employees DESERVE to be annoyed too, at this point!

Then I try to pay. I push the buttons. NOTHING happens. Annoying "help at self-checkout" employee arrives AGAIN (she's been avoiding me because of #1B, who is still shrieking and turning purple-ish now) and asks "Did you push the button?"

YES I DID. HOW many times do I need to push it?

So we leave, #1A grumbling, #1B shrieking, and me muttering under my breath IN A VERY LOUD WAY that we are NEVER COMING BACK HERE. There is a Lowe's RIGHT across the street!!!

Deep breath.
Better now.

Is it JUST ME?

Tag, I'm it! The ABC's of Meme Award...

2008-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

I got a little bloggie award and a tag for a meme!! Ree over at TheHotfessional gave it to me - my first! An award!! Woot!!

I have very little idea what any of it means (and look mom, no rules!) so I'm going to fake it and try to do this anyway!

A. Attached or single? Attached - very, very legally attached ;) Although with the new reorg at work, we'll be in the same 500 square feet. Which will, I'm sure, do wonders for our marriage!
B. Best friend? Marcia (Marcia Marcia). Although everyone else calls her Marci, I KNEW HER WHEN!
C. Cake or pie? CAKE. Unless it is my bourbon pecan pie....
D. Day of choice? Friday. Something about Friday just breathes relief...
E. Essential item? Undereye concealer. Or maybe sunscreen?
F. Favorite color? Red red ruby redrum red.
G. Gummy bears or worms? These are the choices????
H. Hometown? Chardon Ohio, I guess?
I. Indulgence? Pedicures. And professional ~~gray covering~~ haircolor!
J. January or July? July, duh, sailing!
K. Kids? Two. And I will NEVER DO THIS AGAIN (pregnancy and birth, not the kids. Kids are good!)
L. Life isn’t complete without? Wireless internet and rum.
M. Marriage date? 7/5
N. Number of brothers & sisters? 1 sister
O. Oranges or apples? both - while in sangria. Otherwise, forget it.
P. Phobias? The dark!
Q. Quotes? “ A good friend helps you move. A REALLY good friend helps you move a body."~Anonymous
AND
"Measure what is measurable. Make measurable what is not" ~ Galileo Galilei

R. Reasons to smile? My sons smile, my daughters giggle, and the fizz from a fresh bottle of tonic...
S. Season of choice? Autum.
T. Tag seven peeps! Tagging and handing out bling-bling below
U. Unknown fact about me? I have exceptional hearing. When I did the DODMERB physical, the Navy guys CRIED that I was a girl and couldn't serve in the submarine fleet. But my hearing is so good outside of the range of the human voice, I can barely make out what anyone is saying due to the background noise. (Someone upstairs has a very very twisted sense of humor...)
V. Vegetable? Sugar snap peas a al Costco
W. Worst habits? Biting my nails.
X. X-ray or ultrasound? Too many of each to count...
Y. Your favorite food? Sushi!
Z. Zodiac sign? Aquarius with Capricorn rising. Apparently, the most likely sign to commit suicide! (who writes this crap, anyway??)

I got this cool award!!

My taggings go to:
Hok over at hokgardner
Barb over at Sothethingis
Andrea over at rickandreawalshfamily
Jill at DaisyBags

Whirrrr, whirrrr, whirrrrrrr..........

2008-08-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

But where is the 'clunk, clunk'??

We have a new fridge. Because the dishwasher died. That makes sense, right? Well, it also has to do with the refacing of the kitchen cabinets.....

I'll 'splain here..... the dishwasher died (you know that). So OddJob decides that not only do we have to replace it (duhhh) we have to replace it with stainless.

To match all the other WHITE appliances. (eyeroll, please)

For some reason, I went along with this. Because the dishwasher is on the OPPOSITE side of the kitchen from the fridge and the in-wall ovens.

So not long after, as we are FINALLY REPLACING the gawd-awful pickled oak cabinets that we have both LOATHED for 4 years, the cabinet guy asks "so, replacing the rest of the appliances too?"

And OddJob says "hell YEAH" in the same breath that I say "hell NO".

Guess who won?

The only part that I won was about 2 days before stainless-monstrosity-fridge is due to arrive, when the fridge guy calls saying "Uh, youse guys know that fridge you ordered? Yeah. They like don't make it anymore. But I'se gots a floor model, howse about 200 bucks off if its got no dings or nuttin'?"

Well why not. Sure, knock $200 of this thing. I played no part in its' picking anyway. Anyways?

Whatever.

So here we have a mahhh-velous magnetic-stainless French-door (ooooh la la) fridge with ice and water in the door. And it PLAYS MUSIC!! Oh yes, the kids press a button and it plays a little tune (dading DaaaahDING!) as it switches modes from ice to water to... some other kind of water? Heck if I know.

Aaaaannnnyyyyyway.. here I stand, I've Da-dinged my way to the ice function, and it's whirring away to beat the band.

But no clunk clunk.

This is the LAST TIME that OddJob buys a major appliance unsupervised. All flash. No function.

crap. What does that say about ME????

Rage

2008-08-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Rage. I has it.

Had a LOVELY chat with the Cook County Police Monday morning, about 2 AM. Our mailbox had been destroyed. AGAIN. That's twice in 8 days.

Seriously??

Here's how it went (cue the 'way back when' music).... After I came home seasick , I had a glass (or 2) of wine with OddJob, took a Lunesta and went to bed.

Woke up at about 1:30 AM to the sound of... fireworks? Lifted my head and looked out the window

Where I saw: nothing.

So I went back to sleep (kinda noticing that OddJob wasn't IN bed with me, and I think lights were on in the house?) ~~but totally not caring~~ but too sleepy...

About 20 minutes later, I hear a RACKET.

Look outside window again (OK, like this, but dark like 2 AM)

Only this time, there is a ~~total piece of shit~~ somewhat beatup, ancient silver vehicle that I can ALMOST see in front of our mailbox.

What, you can't see a mailbox? (THANK YOU. Please explain this to the Cops when you see them).

It's right THERE. Behind the tree. Next to where the car was.

Anyyywayyyyy.......... from what I could HEAR, at least one kid was working feverishly, BY HAND, not a baseball bat to be heard, destroying our mailbox and ripping the post out of the ground.

UNDER the streetlamp.

They may be destructive, but at least they're stupid.

I SPRING out of bed and run downstairs (again noting that all the lights are on, the front door is open, and OddJob is busily sawing logs, passed out on the couch, totally oblivious).

At this point, either the ~~moronic~~ kids were done destructing, or they saw me, but they hopped into their ~~muffler-less piece of crap~~ car and took off.

Oddly, I did NOT get a good description of the vehicle or the kids. Thanks to the great view of our mailbox from the front door.

Which would be like this, only darker at 2 AM.

So I start yelling like a banshee, which only SLIGHTLY rouses OddJob, and I'm yelling things like 911 and COPS and KIDS and MAILBOX...

... and he looks at me ~~as if he was thinking Who ARE you?~~ blearily, doesn't speak, and slowly walks UPSTAIRS. (We will discover later that he had a glass of wine WITH me - then finished the bottle and had 2 more. Way to go there, OddJob! <-- insert eyeroll here).

I'm still fuming and raging and tired and drugged (Lunesta, that's my story and I'm sticking to it) and just RAGING. I dial 911, then hang up thinking "well that's dumb, I'll just google the Cook County Sheriff".. not realizing that if you call 911 and hang up, they call you BACK.

The phone rings, it's 911. Oh crap. So I give them my ~~totally reasonable sounding and completely coherent~~ version of events.

At which point OddJob comes BACK downstairs (he's apparently been upstairs, wandering around, for about 10 minutes) and announces triumphantly:

"The kids aren't in the mailbox! They're in their ROOMS!"

Seriously, I was almost widowed at that point.

Anywayyyyy................. after a conversation with 911, they send over...... easily the most desperately bored police officer I've ever met. This guy wouldn't LEAVE. He took my ~~shut up OddJob, I made way more sense than YOU did~~ totally coherent statement, wrote up an incident report, and left. Finally.

Oh, and they took out the neighbors mailbox too. Only they weren't home. So we took the pieces and left them on their front porch, leading them to believe that the hooligans responsible were at least REMARKABLY polite.

And a week goes by. And nothing.

And then - Monday AM, 1:30, I wake up to see..........a ~~total piece of shit~~ somewhat beatup, ancient silver vehicle behind my tree, and a kid working like the devil to destroy our NEW mailbox, BY HAND.

Literally, there's superglue holding it together.

I am STILL torqued off. Even figured out how to rig up an ancient webcam as a motion sensing detector and got these pics Tuesday night

and this

Yes, I know. They suck.

What I REALLY need is a decent focal length IR video camera connected to a joystick and a gatling gun.

But I'm betting that's illegal. Sigh.

Because you KNOW these idiots will be BACK. (fume, fume).

So if you have any GREAT ideas (that won't injure the mail carrier) now is the time!!

Inner Peas

2008-08-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

Things I need: more veggies, and inner peace.

Been a-ragin' lately over various ~~enraging and moronic~~ life thingies. So I will be posting about the raging, once I'm done raging.

Kind of like the classic line from Tootsie "I'll pick you up at 3 and enrage you".

So I'll leave you with a little something from #1a

North Wind: 1, Jolly Roger:0

2008-08-04T18:10:00.000-07:00

Seasickness.

Or should that be 'lake sickness'?

North wind: 1 Jolly Roger: 0

The lake gods were against me on Saturday. The boat was finally back from the Race to Mackinac and the 100-miler, and I even brought new ~~rail meat~~ crew with me (very cute guy from work).

However, Zenda was against me. And our goddess-like foredeck crew. And the owners' visiting-from-out-of-town daughter. Because north winds (here) equal BIG WAVES (aka 'chop') which is a ~~godawful~~ somewhat unpleasant sailing experience. So Glinda, good witch of the north, you are officially on notice that you are NOT WELCOME here anymore!

We left the harbor on an absolutely stunningly gorgeous Chicago summer day (and lots of Lollapalooza music) and headed out. As soon as we left the harbor breakwater, the CHOP HIT. Ouch. Since we were motoring, the boat would 'fall' down the face of a wave to a horrific THUUDDDDDDDD! And the crash would cause all these lovely-sounding reverberations through the boat. Nice.

We're about 50% of the way out to to race circle when two of the owners and myself start discussing just HOW MUCH we really want to do this. It's not a 'boat of the year' (BOY) race for us (translation - it doesn't really count), the wind is blowing 20 knots (right at the edge of "white knuckling it" weather), slated to build in intensity, and we have 3 very new and fairly useless crew out of 9.

After a lot of teeth gritting (and myself and foredeck goddess turning even more verdant shades of seasick) we decide to just bag it, head in, and eat.

Which was great, except for the "jolly roger sitting at the rail preparing to heave" for an hour.

Not a lot of eating for me (what it takes to succeed at amy diet... sigh..) But the "newly hot" crew from work LOVED it. Which could be bad. I'm highly susceptible to "hot guy" distraction while sailing!

Mackinac - Part 2, where there was SUN

2008-07-28T19:10:00.000-07:00

And the weary, teeming masses did arrive on Mackinac, and it was gray, and it was cloudy, and darkness was upon the faces of the ~~wives and girlfriends~~ "shore support", and they dranketh, and eateth, and dranketh some more....

And it was a dark and stormy night.... and then the boats got in! CanCanDeux, Painkiller 4, Regardless, Fineline, just to name a few. And the sailors were wet, yet parched. And they dried off, and did drinketh! And happiness was upon the land of Fudge and horse poo, and the next morning...

there were boats

and more boats

and lots of wet things that needed to be dry.

and lots of dry ~~sailors~~ things looking for a drink.

And behold - for there was An Awards Party!.
And Sugar Cane had been turned into Rum! For truly, a miracle had occurred! The tired, became more tired! The sober, became less so!

Anyyywayyyyyyyyy............

Regardless took a 5th in section, which is pretty damn fine what with 25 boats in their section. But last year, they took a first. By a LOT. So the bar was high, but hey, at least a flag to fly on the forestay (cuz Regardless doesn't have enough of THOSE, snort).

And the party continued, and there was much rejoicing. Or something. Drinking Rum.

Look, matching outfits! Yes, no fashion faux pas is too much for the team spirit of Team Regardless! (that's me on the far left -shudder-). And what else are we doing? Drinking Rum.

The Team, doing what they do best (that's Bill W, OddJob and Tim M). Yes, Drinking Rum.

Corky even brought Betty Boop to the party (she was on the sail up - lucky her. Not.)

A lovely sunset dinner with the Team. With wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Awards given out by CJ and OddJob (yep, you win CROC Jewelry. Yes, they actually MAKE this stuff...)

Just to give you some idea of what we have to live up to on this boat - this is one of the owners, C. He's just been give a dinosaur piece of Croc Jewelry (no mercy here). This is the guy we send UP the mast when something goes wrong (better him than me) and in the winter, he relocates to Colorado, where he is a ski instructor 6 days a week at Breckenridge. The guy is SEVENTY-TWO. As in actual people years. Blows the rest of us away.

Finale - a great fireworks display that evening. Ooooh, aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

On the ungodly long drive home, we spotted this sign at a gas station:

Seriously - they can keep it.

100th Race to Mackinac - Part 1

2008-07-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

We drove, they sailed, the boat didn't win (like LAST year). And I think I might be off of fudge for life. Yep, it was a party....

But I'm getting ahead of myself... first, there was the drive ~~from Hell~~ . OK, it wasn't THAT bad ~~yes, yes it was~~ but Zenda was against me (that's the goddess of weather. She and I have had WORDS).

Shelly (off of CanCanDeux) and her kids and Mom and I got on the road at 8 9.

And stopped for breakfast for an hour.

See? It's CHOCOLATE PARADISE here!

And admired the price of gas (oh so CHEAP!!) on dah Oooopeeeee (that's the UP. Upper Pensinsula, MI).

See?

The farther you go ~~into the exact freaking center of nowhere~~ north, the better it gets. Prices are falling!

And had weather.

And it was getting dark....

And we I began to panic when we I realized that we had a time change and were in danger of NOT making the last ferry to the island, and would have to stay at some creepy motel with the sign outside announcing "highly recommended by Owner!!" (didn't get a pic for that one, but it is THERE!).

But we DID make it Shelly's Mom Priscilla is pointing out that Mackinac is THIS island.
And me.

Got pretty pics on the way out....

like the Grand Hotel

(Shelly's #1)

Then hightailed it to our respective hotels. Armed with fresh clothing, ninety gazillion women hit the Pink Pony (REAL pic of the Pony) where much alcohol was consumed, and I (amongst others) was groped by a man claiming to be gay. I think he lied....

And stayed out Way. Too. Late.

And staggered down for breakfast the next morning with the very hungover...

and went shopping for overpriced sailing crappola to wear proudly for eons to come! We did indeed find some sailing stuff, crammed in between shops like this:

and this:

because apparently there is a law here that you must have some of this:

every 10 feet.
Seriously.

Which leads us to... my #1 problem with the island of Mackinac. See, they don't allow motor vehicles (except the fire engine). They have horses. And I might have mentioned the fudge shops. You see where this is going, right? Yes, the predominant, uh, ~~reek~~ fragrance on this island is a combination of FUDGE and HORSE MANURE. Kinda scars you for life. Ever been near a paper mill? That smell that just lingers forever, somewhere between cinnamon and diarrhea? Yep, that's what we're dealing with. ALL. DAY. LONG.

Anywayyyyyyyyyyy...............
there was lunch....

And I gather a 45 minute bike ride around the island. Because that's how big it is. (But I took a nap instead).

And croquet. (but I was still napping).

and happy hour.

and dinner.

And a really cute bartender named Steve..

who made sure that Shelly got the BIG version of this drink called a CAPE CODDER (get it Shelly?? Vodka and cranberry juice has a NAME!) and not the little weenie version that the OTHER bartender gave her at first. No siree. Steve wasn't going to stand for THAT!

Then it was time to head to the tent at the finish line, to huddle in the cold and pouring rain, waiting for Regardless and Cancan and FineLine to actually FINISH. Which they did, but it was 10 PM and raining so No Pics For You!

Forced in-law hiatus

2008-07-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

In-laws in town. Cannot think when in-laws are in town.

More later........ like the trip to Mackinac! And the "great Pez dispenser debacle of 2008".

Oh - boat didn't sink, no one drowned, and we didn't win (like last year). But we won the party!

Race to Mackinac, 2008, has Begun! Ish. Sorta. Maybe not...

2008-07-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

And yet ANOTHER major regatta that I am so grateful to NOT be sailing in!

Rainy. Humid. Hot. Icky.

Did I say Windy? Why, no I did not!! if there is one way to describe the start of this years race, WINDY is one of those "not so much" adjectives. (adverb?) Oh whatever, it SUCKED to be on the water this morning.

I'd take a screen shot of the racetraker, but it's not looking so hot for the hometeam here. And I took that Lunesta first.....

Anyway, I leave Sunday AM TO DRIVE to "da OOO Pee" as they call it. Will take pics and report back... Go Team Regardless!! (and special shout out to Shelly of Team Cancan Deux for that 'eye on the sky' traffic report and the access road shortcut! You da man!)

Parenting (which I'm sure has NEVER been a Blog Title before)

2008-07-16T18:59:00.001-07:00

This is not about me parenting.

Or my parents parenting.

Or actually about any (actual) parents I know.

This is about a dear friends parents. Or shall I say ex-parents? For my friend (let's call her Sweet, and she IS) has recently had to cut herself off from her 'family of origin' (that's therapy talk there).

This was after MUCH painful reflection, painful experience, and a truly horrendous upbringing. Sweet's ex-parents win the 'worst parents I've ever heard of' award, HANDS DOWN. Well, that I've dealt with in real life. I know there are worse, although that is very, very hard to hear.

Sweet is a TRULY optimistic person, with the ability to laugh at life in a way that completely astonishes me (me, the perennial poster child of 'take it too seriously'). She is a marvelous mother to her children, and has gone WAY out of her way for this 'family of origin' to the point of almost alienating her fabulous husband.

See, Sweet was raised by substance abusers, where the word NEGLECT takes on meanings I still cannot comprehend. I'm pretty sure they are complete narcissists too (in every possible literal psychological meaning of the word) where everyone, ESPECIALLY their daughter, is not a real 'person', but something to be used.

I was on the phone with Sweet today when she received a letter from her ex-father (she has had zero communication with them for about a year) that reduced her to incoherent tears. My heart utterly breaks for her.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND people like this (the ex-parents). At all. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

Why do these people have children at all? How are people with THIS damage allowed to EXIST? What is WRONG with this world?

And how in the heck did Sweet get to be as well-adjusted, as intact a mind, with actual SELF-WORTH, as she did under these circumstances?

There is a lesson to be learned here, I just can't quite figure it out here....

Either way, I am sending 'white light' to Sweet tonight. She deserves some peace.

Race to Mackinac - the tracker!!

2008-07-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, you can actually track the boats as they sail north!

the OFFICIAL Chicago Yacht Club Hey Look! We're having a regatta! webpage

To actually TRACK the boats, you have to go here Go here, do something technical and do something technical, lord knows what, I haven't looked.

And FYI - if there is a distinct lack of male hotness this weekend in Chicago, don't be all surprised. The hot guys all went sailing. Seriously. If you are single woman on the prowl in Chicago in the summer, fer gossakes Get Thee To A Yacht Club!!

They give lessons and everything. Plus you'll get a tan. They even have these sweet new hot-pink-and-black sailing gloves

I haven't even TRIED mine yet (but I'm all goose-bumpy at the thought).

Remember now, hot guys + cold beer = sailing.

The phone call

2008-07-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

Today I had to leave work for a couple of hours to take #1a to the Ped (sinus thing, antibiotics and narcotics, WOOT!).

Annnyyyywaaaayyyy......... when I returned, the little blinky light said "you have a message".

And it was... let's call her K.

"Hi Jolly Roger, it's K! I am so sorry we fell out of touch, but this is the only number I have for you anymore! You must have moved. Please call me! Here is my cell number, here is my work number. Buh-buy!"

(cue the 'way back when' soundtrack)

~~Many, many~~ a few years ago, I was not working at NECo but at a totally different telecom company ~~that so totally deserved to go out of business~~ that ran into some troubled times and may not even exist anymore. Not sure, haven't checked.

Annnyyyyyyyywayyyy.............. that place was a disaster with a CAPITAL FUCKING D and I'll try to restrain myself here. The BEST part was the creepy software guy who kept asking me out to dinner.

And I'm all "dude, MARRIED here. See pic of intimidating OddJob? See ring? Soooooooooo not cool". But he was here on an H-1B visa, older, obviously lonely (crreeeepppy, but lonely) so I blew it off.

Right up until the day he cornered me in my cube and tried to kiss me.

I was SO TOTALLY FLOORED by this that it didn't even occur to me to even THINK about kicking his ass. That thought didn't even remotely CONSIDER crossing my mind. I went blank. (soooooooooo not like me).

Creepy software guy leaves, and I collect myself and stagger out of my cube. And immediately run into a guy I worked with at NECo (the first time around. Oh I'll explain that all later).

Being that Deserved-to-go-out-of-Buiness company didn't endear itself to sharing with anyone (like my total tool of a boss), I glommed onto the guy I knew from NECo and barely kept it together as I told him what had happened.

Guy from NECo got a weird look on his face, asked "WHICH creepy software guy?" and then took me to meet K. Because THIS had happened to her LAST year, and she had NEVER reported it.

Talk about bonding.

Within 1 hour we had marched our little bootays down to HR and spoke to a sweet young thang together. Which was accidentally a pretty smooth move.

Because sweet young thang said "oh, we've had other complaints about creepy software guy" then realized what she had said and had to restrain herself from clamping her hand over her mouth in shock.

About 12 hours and 4 interviews later, creepy software guy was history. AND, it turns out, married with a couple of kids. Creep factor increase by factor of 10, now with guilt. FAAAABBULLLOUUUUSSSSS.

And of course, K and I were (I heard) branded as 'troublemakers' by several, including Tool of a Boss, and she and I were caught up in a layoff several months later. Which I WOULD have made a big deal, except this was wave #13 of layoffs, and I was just happy to get the hell out of there.

K then asked me to be a bridesmaid. Because she was marrying some guy who had JUST gotten out of an extensive hospitalization for mental illness. Good thing too - clock was ticking, time to get her knocked up. (Now I DO HAVE SYMPATHY for those with mental illness, depression and I have been great buds in the past, but sweet weeping Jesus, how about you give it a year? or a month? and make sure no one is going back INTO the hospital before you rush out for a marriage license???)

Grooooooaaaaannnnn...........

So I wore silver satin on the hottest damn August day in Chicagoland 2002. NOT that I had a lot in common with her, other than harassment by creepy software guy.

And in any NORMAL life, the story would end there. But OH NO IT DOES NOT!!

THEN - OddJob and I decide to sell our first house. Since the realtor was dragging his feet, we stuck a 'for sale by owner' sign in the front yard and had INTEREST. Mostly from K and freaky-fiance (seriously, the most obnoxious Chicagoland "I know a guy" stereotype. EVER.)

They want to buy our house. Freaky fiancee even comments "would be great to buy from someone we know - then if we ever have a problem with anything, we know who to call!!"

You can IMAGINE the look OddJob shot me over that one.

So with one thing and another and a signed contract and an inspection, all hell broke loose. And our lawyer got the GET US THE HELL OUT OF THIS phone call, and they missed dates and payments of earnest money, and "I know a guy" home inspector claimed we needed to do $90k of renovations, and we got the HELL OUT OF THAT.

And Freaky Fiancee did NOT get it. At all. He called endlessly for days. He assumed that since he screwed up once, we'd lower the price (and, apparently, the bar for intelligence) and make this whole process easier for him.

And he kept calling. And finally had to say out loud (to me) "are you saying that our friendship (sorry, I'm laughing here) will play no part in your selling your house to us?"

And I had to say "Hell YES!!!"
And then had to threaten him with legal action if he ever called us again.

That was almost 5 years ago, and I've never heard from them since. (Thank the benevolent FSM!!)

Until today.

Anyone taking bets as to when I call her back?

Race to Mackinac, v.100

2008-07-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

On Saturday July 19, ~~a buncha boozing~~ many brave souls will leave Chicago for ~~at least 3 days of eating, boozing and some sailing~~ the 100th running of the race to Mackinac!

That's sailboats.

Sailing.

From Chicago to this teeny little island at the cold, cold north end of the lake.

OK, so it's like a really big deal around here with the sailing people.

Anyyyyywayyyyyyyyyy........... for the big century running of this, 460 boats are competing.

With somewhere between 6 and 15 ~~drunks~~ sailors per boat........... so let's see............... carry the 2............. OK, eleventy billion sailors are going to an island THIS BIG:

So we have eleventy billion ~~drunks~~ sailors trying to get from here (Chicago)

to there (the non-existent dot waaaaaay up at the top of the mitten).

Without doing THIS.

Yep, last year. Bad. Expensive and bad.

And while those ~~boozing~~ brave souls are ~~boozing~~ sailing, loads of wives and girlfriends will be driving from here (Chicago)

to there (nonexistent dot at top of mitten).

While kicking themselves for making this ungodly drive YET AGAIN.

But BONUS - we get to see such FAMOUS attractions as

Oh yes there is!! Weeee-sconsin, yah hey dere!!

And if we have our fill of cheese, just wait!! I have heard that on this tiny little nonexistent dot at the top of the mitten, you just might be able to find.. fudge!

If you look really, really hard.

Guess what I'll be looking for really, really hard?

Or in the convenient economy ~~case~~ size

EVERY hotel room on Mackinac is currently sold out. That is a lot of ~~totally bored, probably drunk and on a massive sugar high~~ wives and girlfriends hanging out here

OK, so that's not the real 'Pink Pony', but I can't find a pic..

And waiting for the eleventy-billion to arrive so we can finally have the awards party HERE

Yep, the Grand Hotel on Mackinac. From that movie "Somewhere in Time" which NONE of you remember because you, gentle readers, are probably younger than me. Not that I'm bitter.

No, we are NOT ALLOWED IN. We party on the lawn. They have actual GUARDS to keep us out.

But more on that later....

Airing out 'the girls'

2008-07-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

You know what's REALLY fun?

Completely distracting clueless engineers, who came to work to just GET SOME WORK DONE.

Well OK, maybe that's not the MOST fun, but I'm locked in here, sober with my clothes on, doing the best I can!

I work in an engineering company called "Nameless engineering Co" or "NECo" (following in the immortal words of Dooce, "be ye not stupid", and that's about the limit of what I'm going to say of NECo) with guys who are GEEKS. Actually, they sully the good name of 'geek'. LOTS of them.

I know of ~~geek~~ engineer who comes in, locks himself in his office, and you SLIDE WORK UNDER HIS DOOR. When he's done with it, he slides it back OUT. (How can I make that up?? Well OK, I COULD make that up, but I did not! Seriously! I have seen it!!). "Buy better business clothing" is NOT UNCOMMON on a yearly review. We have adult Asperger Syndrome engineers roaming the halls (which is probably why the kids I know with Asperger's seem pretty normal to me, as most ~~geek~~ engineers I know aren't that far off...).

Dilbert cartoons are almost not funny here, they are so true. Our supply cabinets still stock pocket protectors. (now THERE is a fashion accessory that is totally going to make a comeback. I predict - you watch!)

Chicks are SCARCE here. Shocker, I know. At my level (fairly senior level engineer) you might see a woman approximately once every solar eclipse. So I try to blend. But I blend in about as much as Marisa Tomei in the wallpaper-floral catsuit in 'My cousin Vinny'. Well, I'm no "she's a brain, rapped in the body of a game-show hostess" but I'm DARN CLOSE.... for an engineer.

And as much as I try to wear the standard "khaki goes with everything" uniform (Khaki SOOOOO DOES NOT go with everything!), pants and polos, etc, it is REALLY hard to hide the fact that I'm a short redhead with fairly broad shoulders who LOOKS chesty. Ish. Even though I'm not. Optical illusion? Who knows, but as we all know, if we want the girls to look good, we will find a way....

So recently, out of a deep sense of ~~desperate need for attention~~ , ~~excruciating boredom~~ fun, on those alternate Fridays when the place is mostly empty, I try to let the girls out. Clingy, low cut, with low-hanging jewelry. It's Friday, how much work are the few, the proud, those who are actually AT WORK on an off Friday really going to accomplish anyway?

But to see these guys, who have known me for years (and are very nice, and pretty comfortable around me) trying VALIANTLY to keep their eyes meeting mine, and failing, just makes my Friday. It's almost CRUEL. I think they have completely forgotten that I actually HAVE breasts, and the mental readjustment is almost too much for them. The STRUGGLE is what makes us ~~an evil, evil bitch~~ human, no?

I've even been going SHOPPING (I flipping hate shopping) for more low-cut stuff JUST to have something new for these guys to stare at. Now THAT is money well spent! Go ask OddJob.

Question: If my H and I are at work (both at NEC0, see above) and he smacks my ass/otherwise harrasses me in the halls, can I sue NEC for zillions of dollars?

Green stuff

2008-07-10T17:47:00.000-07:00

That I GREW all by MYSELF! Mighty proud of allll my growing green stuff. What can I say - shoulda been a botanist....

New daylily I just bought this spring - think this is "Ed Murray", tetraploid version.

Purple wave petunias (and I've got 4 more boxes JUST like it!!) with purple mini-petunias (what is the NAME of them??) and MINT. Mint just takes OVER (so you have to make a lot of mojitos to use it up, OR ELSE).

The birds planted me some sunflowers! Love them, OddJob HATES them (too bad, sweetie - they stay). He was headed towards them with an axe, but I threatened to knock over his Harley. He stopped.

See the green viny things on either side of the front door? Morning glories (blue) growing up some twine that OddJob hung up for me! And planters I copied from the 'White Flower Farm' catalog (I plagiarize planters. So sue me).

More plagiarized planters. And you can ALMOST see a stepping stone below them, with #1b's handprint :)

My next house - it will need MORE YARD....

How to teach a 2 year old to speak...

2008-07-08T20:14:00.001-07:00

Take your average Friday evening (ie: several rum-n-tonics, with lime).

One recently gifted pair of diamond earrings.

One loose earring back.

One 2 1/2 year old boy.

Realize that ONE of these recently gifted, PROBABLY expensive earrings is GONE.

Frantically dial the numbers of EVERY PLACE you have been that day.

Mumble MANY panic-stricken "fuck!!"s under your breath in between every call.

Get down on your knees and comb the carpet while lacing the air with "Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck. FUCK!!!"

Cry while thinking "oh fuck!!".

Repeat for 3-4 hours.

Answer the doorbell to find your neighbor standing on your doorstop. With a diamond earring. That he found on his driveway while SWEEPING it (who does this??).

Collapse into hysterical, grateful tears. Kiss neighbor.

Wander back into your house, grateful that the universe loves you again.

Watch 2 1/2 year old wander around the kitchen, saying "Fuuuuuccckkk???? Fuck. FucK!! (giggle) Fugggedity!!".

Open door to basement, YELL to OddJob (who has managed to miss the last 3-4 drama filled hours) "DID YOU JUST HEAR WHAT YOUR SON IS SAYING?????" .

Watch OddJob as he beats feet upstairs, redfaced and panicky, apologizing all over the place.

Smirk behind OddJobs back for 2 years.

Confess later after a few too many rum punches. Smirk. Because that is what FINALLY gets him back for the 'great tattoo incident of 1997'.

Introducing - the fam

2008-07-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

About time I introduced the rest of the crew of the Jolly Roger.

I've already mentioned the husband, aka OddJob.

But there are 2 junior swabs, one of each even (nice, round family. Trying hard to be financially square).

In keeping with a family tradition begun by that salty dog, my Dad (aka "the old grey man") we use a numering system here. Due to Dad's complete inability to keep his offspring straight. This was further compounded by the fact that, for some RIDICULOUS reason, they decided to give me the same first name as my mother.

Don't do that to you or your children. Ever. Trust me on this.

Annnnnyyyyway.............. I was #1, my sister was #2. Birth order, Dad could handle that. Mom was rolling her eyes.

So in keeping here... my children are #1a and #1b. Yes I know that 'a' and 'b' are not numbers, go take it up with old grey man. My sisters kids are #2a, and so on.
This would be #1a (and no, I have no idea what he just put in his mouth).

and #1b (see? She's near boats and water, she's Happy!! Good girl!)

We live in a nice house in the suburbs here in the great north midwest. Since summer fell on a weekend, it's been EXTRA nice!

But I've spent too long figuring out why all my pics add to the TOP of the page, and we're off to T-ball practice. And it's 88 degrees outside. Fabulous.

The winds of change....

2008-07-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

Not even nautical winds (our favorite kind, but of course).

Life-winds, if such things exist. That feeling of existential restlessness that tells my 'feminine intuition/sixth sense/almost-creepy-feeling-that-really-creeps-out-an-engineer' that something is going to happen.

Or even is happening.... (cue the muuwaaahahahahaaaa laughter a la old horror films).

Will it be work? Home? Family? I'm not really sure, but for the last several months, the winds of change, they be a-blowing. Thinking career (OK, the sixth sense is hinting 'Career')

Which makes OddJob roll his eyes, because he KNOWS this means he's going to be nagged into changing his resume. Well, the sixth sense AND the fact that I've been bugging him to update his resume for 11 months now.

See, OddJob and I work at the same company (which shall remain nameless) and have successfully managed to avoid working together for over a decade. (Ta-da!!! - well, it was hard to do that!!! We have the same freaking degrees and stuff).

But recently - Dum Dum Dummmmmm.........! we are on the same project. This does NOT BODE WELL. (cue the winds of change).

And add the fact that I'm getting a call from a new headhunter EVERY week. Since January. I'm not even the 'hot ticket' in this marriage!!

Wonder if the winds of change can blow us to someplace where there is NO snow shoveling?

Anniversaries (and other things I forget)

2008-07-05T15:20:00.000-07:00

I crew on a sailboat - well this summer, two sailboats. Still learning the new boat, but wow are they organized or WHAT??; email, yahoo groups and their own website. Contact is constant. Whether you like it or not.

Emails started flying about Wednesday, as organization efforts begin for the weekend races. As it's a holiday weekend (Friday being OUR NATIONS birthday and all) you'd expect less of the racing, and more of the partying.

But you'd be wrong.

Turns out that turnout for Saturday would be less than enough to race seriously (and boy howdy, this boat is SERIOUS. We can't even DRINK before the race is over, which is the #1 reason why I'm not all excited about sailing with this crowd. A fact that was NOT STATED clearly before I signed up).

ANYWAY - crew, July 5, not enough, and it's not an important race anyway - VOTE, do we want to race or not? (guess which way my vote was going...).

July 5 - pause - why is that sounding like something is going on? Think, think, drum fingers, consult new calendar on new blackberry... nothing, nothing.................. OH CRAP, it's our 11th wedding anniversary!!! (me, aghast)

The ONLY thing working in my favor here is that the ribbing only took place on email (the guys LOVED this - isn't it your HUSBANDS job to forget the anniversary??). And that when I called the Husband (who shall heretofore be known as Odd Job for reasons that shall be explained later):

Me: Hey hon, about Saturday. Is there any reason at all if we should get a sitter and go out to dinner? On Saturday? Maybe?

OddJob: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

Me: At all? July 5?

OddJob: Oh CRAP..........!!

At least I remembered it first.......

Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs....

2008-07-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

Swab down the mizzen mast and heave-ho to, and all that other nautical type nonsense! My bloggging log thus begins....

Wow, now I gotta set up this thing.....

(long pause as everything I WAS going to say evaporates out of my brain, and I'm not sure what to say. Which is NOT normal for me).