Saturday, July 12, 2008

Airing out 'the girls'

You know what's REALLY fun?

Completely distracting clueless engineers, who came to work to just GET SOME WORK DONE.

Well OK, maybe that's not the MOST fun, but I'm locked in here, sober with my clothes on, doing the best I can!

I work in an engineering company called "Nameless engineering Co" or "NECo" (following in the immortal words of Dooce, "be ye not stupid", and that's about the limit of what I'm going to say of NECo) with guys who are GEEKS. Actually, they sully the good name of 'geek'. LOTS of them.

I know of geek engineer who comes in, locks himself in his office, and you SLIDE WORK UNDER HIS DOOR. When he's done with it, he slides it back OUT. (How can I make that up?? Well OK, I COULD make that up, but I did not! Seriously! I have seen it!!). "Buy better business clothing" is NOT UNCOMMON on a yearly review. We have adult Asperger Syndrome engineers roaming the halls (which is probably why the kids I know with Asperger's seem pretty normal to me, as most geek engineers I know aren't that far off...).

Dilbert cartoons are almost not funny here, they are so true. Our supply cabinets still stock pocket protectors. (now THERE is a fashion accessory that is totally going to make a comeback. I predict - you watch!)

Chicks are SCARCE here. Shocker, I know. At my level (fairly senior level engineer) you might see a woman approximately once every solar eclipse. So I try to blend. But I blend in about as much as Marisa Tomei in the wallpaper-floral catsuit in 'My cousin Vinny'. Well, I'm no "she's a brain, rapped in the body of a game-show hostess" but I'm DARN CLOSE.... for an engineer.

And as much as I try to wear the standard "khaki goes with everything" uniform (Khaki SOOOOO DOES NOT go with everything!), pants and polos, etc, it is REALLY hard to hide the fact that I'm a short redhead with fairly broad shoulders who LOOKS chesty. Ish. Even though I'm not. Optical illusion? Who knows, but as we all know, if we want the girls to look good, we will find a way....

So recently, out of a deep sense of desperate need for attention , excruciating boredom fun, on those alternate Fridays when the place is mostly empty, I try to let the girls out. Clingy, low cut, with low-hanging jewelry. It's Friday, how much work are the few, the proud, those who are actually AT WORK on an off Friday really going to accomplish anyway?

But to see these guys, who have known me for years (and are very nice, and pretty comfortable around me) trying VALIANTLY to keep their eyes meeting mine, and failing, just makes my Friday. It's almost CRUEL. I think they have completely forgotten that I actually HAVE breasts, and the mental readjustment is almost too much for them. The STRUGGLE is what makes us an evil, evil bitch human, no?

I've even been going SHOPPING (I flipping hate shopping) for more low-cut stuff JUST to have something new for these guys to stare at. Now THAT is money well spent! Go ask OddJob.

Question: If my H and I are at work (both at NEC0, see above) and he smacks my ass/otherwise harrasses me in the halls, can I sue NEC for zillions of dollars?

1 comment:

Shamelessly Sassy said...

maybe you should start having 'cleavage showing' Fridays or something. haha. Totally kidding. nice blog!