Monday, July 14, 2008

The phone call

Today I had to leave work for a couple of hours to take #1a to the Ped (sinus thing, antibiotics and narcotics, WOOT!).

Annnyyyywaaaayyyy......... when I returned, the little blinky light said "you have a message".

And it was... let's call her K.

"Hi Jolly Roger, it's K! I am so sorry we fell out of touch, but this is the only number I have for you anymore! You must have moved. Please call me! Here is my cell number, here is my work number. Buh-buy!"

(cue the 'way back when' soundtrack)

Many, many a few years ago, I was not working at NECo but at a totally different telecom company that so totally deserved to go out of business that ran into some troubled times and may not even exist anymore. Not sure, haven't checked.

Annnyyyyyyyywayyyy.............. that place was a disaster with a CAPITAL FUCKING D and I'll try to restrain myself here. The BEST part was the creepy software guy who kept asking me out to dinner.

And I'm all "dude, MARRIED here. See pic of intimidating OddJob? See ring? Soooooooooo not cool". But he was here on an H-1B visa, older, obviously lonely (crreeeepppy, but lonely) so I blew it off.

Right up until the day he cornered me in my cube and tried to kiss me.

I was SO TOTALLY FLOORED by this that it didn't even occur to me to even THINK about kicking his ass. That thought didn't even remotely CONSIDER crossing my mind. I went blank. (soooooooooo not like me).

Creepy software guy leaves, and I collect myself and stagger out of my cube. And immediately run into a guy I worked with at NECo (the first time around. Oh I'll explain that all later).

Being that Deserved-to-go-out-of-Buiness company didn't endear itself to sharing with anyone (like my total tool of a boss), I glommed onto the guy I knew from NECo and barely kept it together as I told him what had happened.

Guy from NECo got a weird look on his face, asked "WHICH creepy software guy?" and then took me to meet K. Because THIS had happened to her LAST year, and she had NEVER reported it.

Talk about bonding.

Within 1 hour we had marched our little bootays down to HR and spoke to a sweet young thang together. Which was accidentally a pretty smooth move.

Because sweet young thang said "oh, we've had other complaints about creepy software guy" then realized what she had said and had to restrain herself from clamping her hand over her mouth in shock.

About 12 hours and 4 interviews later, creepy software guy was history. AND, it turns out, married with a couple of kids. Creep factor increase by factor of 10, now with guilt. FAAAABBULLLOUUUUSSSSS.

And of course, K and I were (I heard) branded as 'troublemakers' by several, including Tool of a Boss, and she and I were caught up in a layoff several months later. Which I WOULD have made a big deal, except this was wave #13 of layoffs, and I was just happy to get the hell out of there.

K then asked me to be a bridesmaid. Because she was marrying some guy who had JUST gotten out of an extensive hospitalization for mental illness. Good thing too - clock was ticking, time to get her knocked up. (Now I DO HAVE SYMPATHY for those with mental illness, depression and I have been great buds in the past, but sweet weeping Jesus, how about you give it a year? or a month? and make sure no one is going back INTO the hospital before you rush out for a marriage license???)


So I wore silver satin on the hottest damn August day in Chicagoland 2002. NOT that I had a lot in common with her, other than harassment by creepy software guy.

And in any NORMAL life, the story would end there. But OH NO IT DOES NOT!!

THEN - OddJob and I decide to sell our first house. Since the realtor was dragging his feet, we stuck a 'for sale by owner' sign in the front yard and had INTEREST. Mostly from K and freaky-fiance (seriously, the most obnoxious Chicagoland "I know a guy" stereotype. EVER.)

They want to buy our house. Freaky fiancee even comments "would be great to buy from someone we know - then if we ever have a problem with anything, we know who to call!!"

You can IMAGINE the look OddJob shot me over that one.

So with one thing and another and a signed contract and an inspection, all hell broke loose. And our lawyer got the GET US THE HELL OUT OF THIS phone call, and they missed dates and payments of earnest money, and "I know a guy" home inspector claimed we needed to do $90k of renovations, and we got the HELL OUT OF THAT.

And Freaky Fiancee did NOT get it. At all. He called endlessly for days. He assumed that since he screwed up once, we'd lower the price (and, apparently, the bar for intelligence) and make this whole process easier for him.

And he kept calling. And finally had to say out loud (to me) "are you saying that our friendship (sorry, I'm laughing here) will play no part in your selling your house to us?"

And I had to say "Hell YES!!!"
And then had to threaten him with legal action if he ever called us again.

That was almost 5 years ago, and I've never heard from them since. (Thank the benevolent FSM!!)

Until today.

Anyone taking bets as to when I call her back?

1 comment:

hokgardner said...

I'd have to say the odds of your calling her back are slim to none and slim left town.

(my favorite Texas expression)